It has been a while ain't it?

Yes, it has been quite a while right? almost three weeks after my last posts? actually, I've made up a new post, but I can't post it in my blog since I saved it in my laptop. Andddd to tell you the worse, the HARDDISK is totally corrupted.TOTALLY. and I have to buy a new one. it is quite a long entry.damn.

I've been in a flyingg mood recently. NO. NOT RECENTLY. I've been in a flyingg mood, or you can say best is, idk. is there any terms for lovey-dovey feeling? okay, let's just use that. and recently, I don't know why I keep starting a fight with THE person. do I heart THE person too much? until I tend to bare letting THE person angry and pissed off me at most of time? can anybody answer me?

what am I actually doing? what do I actually feel? I know that I am jealous, but HEYYY WAKE UP ODA! you know that people will felt bore and think that you are such a fuss if you keep continue on saying that damn word. JEALOUS. it is a curse.   ~o please, don't curse me~
so, what is that fight worth for actually? NOTHING RIGHT? I know that all of you will say that to me. but I do think that I'm selfish. I don't wanna get hurt, so I hurt people. in this case, it is THE person. *sigh*

until now, I do think that THE person is waaayyyy too good for me. I'm nothing. I do look like something, but really, I felt like I'm nothing. and now you can feel that too. do disappointed in me since I've hurt THE person soo much. TOO MUCH, in brief. and to THE person, what can I explain to you is, I'm scared. I'm too scared for a break up. I'm too scared of getting hurt. I'm too scared of being left, abandoned. I'm too scared that you would turn away for other person. And that is mainly because I don't open up myself to people easily. None of my closest friends will know everything about me. NONE. It took me a long time to accept a person, and it took me a loonnger time to get over a person. And yet, I'm acting like a big bullshit. And I know that I sounded more funny when I'm seeking for your forgiveness. I don't wanna be looked down by anyone. yes. I'm too ego in my own way. blame me. BLAME ME.

but still, I'M SORRY. I really am sorry. Tho I know that my sorry is not worth it at all. 
~Green, your favorite. just like my dad~

p/s: I'm good in long sentences.thats why I can't write you a text message.it feels awkward writing like this in a text message. and idc if you wanted to laugh at me. with you, I'm lost. totally.