A hanging, never ending question, for me. the question of either I'm better on my outside, or am I better on the inside. I think I knew the answer, but sometimes I'm clueless, totally. at times, I get a hint. but at times, I lose it all. my heart keeps on pounding. it's pounding like crazy whenever the questions hit me. those hitting made me realize that I may be proud of myself, or I just being scared or timid. hands are on my chin, cramp in my shoulder, the cold that surrounded me at this late night. what could possibly be more about the inside is having a higher percentage than the outside? or am I just scored high in the outside, but getting the least mark in the inside? what did I get actually?
I'm feeling like trying to reach the last monkey bars that hanging way far from the ground, but out of no where, I lost my grip and almost fall. luckily my second hand keeps on holding to the old previous bars. that keeps me hanging for a while. then I try to rebalanced my body, pushing it up towards the bars, so that the first hand could reach again. don't try to think of any resemblance of my story to anything that you could possibly be thinking, cause what are on your mind is only the possibilities. you won't now it for sure. even I didn't know what are the resemblance towards my words. I just write what I do felt at the moment I jot it down. it is my hands that done the writing, while my mind runs a wild imagination at the same time.
Don't think, just read.
Followers
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Been In Silence
Silence is good though. I didn't get it why certain people had to scream in their lives. is it for the attention? maybe, perhaps. well, I'm not writing today just to give the definition of silence to you. I just wanted to tell you that silence is great, not good, but Great. and I felt ashamed when I recall back my memories on the old me. the child me. the innocent me. I used to scream and shout when I speaks. I used to think that it is cool tho. ask anybody about me, they'll say that I'ma rough person. that is who I used to be. ohh, you can't ask, cause you don't even know who's speaking behind this Oda Narwida's name. HAHA. too bad. Sapa taw, Dia taw laa-cyra( love it when she say this word.the intonation)
Recently, I prefer to listen to slow, relax melody with a strong grip of lyrics. and I noticed, since that, I became someone who rarely speaks loud and proud. I became someone who rather shuts my mouth than giving out my opinions, my says. I do give my says, only if things really don't go my way. and my silence for this few months are caused by lots of unexpected things that happened to me. there's no need to tell it here. this isn't a private diary that I would write about my daily life. I've promised myself that I'll only write my opinion here, my says, my point of view, my thoughts, my wisdom(cehh :p) All of that, except my private activities. feelings aren't included in activities, so yes. I might write down on how I feel on certain issues.
Back to silence. I think I wanted to try new things that I never ever encountered before, that is being a total silent person. it's damn hard by the way. I'm not a silent type. but I guess, I'ma person who can do anything either I have the will or not on doing it. the main thing is, to have guts or trust or believes that you can do it, even if its below 10%. Radiohead is such a big impact on me. the lyrics, made me feel like I'm in my own world. the silence world that I never entered before. the silence that I've been craving for without I'm noticing it. have you played the swinging thing in funfair, that swing you high up in the sky? I have. and you wanted to know what I really felt at that moment? the moment when it reaches it highest point and it feels like it paused for a while before swinging down back to the ground. I'm talking about that point, the paused feelings that you encountered. there's no scared over there, there's no fun over there. there's a peace and silence moment that I felt. the feelings of relieves when you found your lost thing. the feelings that made you wanna close your eyes and says "This is it" . I felt that by silence.
I may be a loud person, but when I remain in silence, I'm being a complete, total me. I'm high in my own world. it could be bad or it could be good. I didn't even know which one is when I'm encountering that feelings. and yes, now I do believe in the saying of Silence is Good. where did I get that, please don't ask me. just making it up, since I don't remember the real phrase is.
Recently, I prefer to listen to slow, relax melody with a strong grip of lyrics. and I noticed, since that, I became someone who rarely speaks loud and proud. I became someone who rather shuts my mouth than giving out my opinions, my says. I do give my says, only if things really don't go my way. and my silence for this few months are caused by lots of unexpected things that happened to me. there's no need to tell it here. this isn't a private diary that I would write about my daily life. I've promised myself that I'll only write my opinion here, my says, my point of view, my thoughts, my wisdom(cehh :p) All of that, except my private activities. feelings aren't included in activities, so yes. I might write down on how I feel on certain issues.
Back to silence. I think I wanted to try new things that I never ever encountered before, that is being a total silent person. it's damn hard by the way. I'm not a silent type. but I guess, I'ma person who can do anything either I have the will or not on doing it. the main thing is, to have guts or trust or believes that you can do it, even if its below 10%. Radiohead is such a big impact on me. the lyrics, made me feel like I'm in my own world. the silence world that I never entered before. the silence that I've been craving for without I'm noticing it. have you played the swinging thing in funfair, that swing you high up in the sky? I have. and you wanted to know what I really felt at that moment? the moment when it reaches it highest point and it feels like it paused for a while before swinging down back to the ground. I'm talking about that point, the paused feelings that you encountered. there's no scared over there, there's no fun over there. there's a peace and silence moment that I felt. the feelings of relieves when you found your lost thing. the feelings that made you wanna close your eyes and says "This is it" . I felt that by silence.
I may be a loud person, but when I remain in silence, I'm being a complete, total me. I'm high in my own world. it could be bad or it could be good. I didn't even know which one is when I'm encountering that feelings. and yes, now I do believe in the saying of Silence is Good. where did I get that, please don't ask me. just making it up, since I don't remember the real phrase is.
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