SHE FEELS

She’s no flirty, no nymphomaniac. She just loved being surrounded by a guy, whom can make her happy and flowery at the same time. And she loves to have a physical contact with the man that drives her crazy. It feels so good, so lively, so sexy yet so daring and loveable. She could feel like she’s the most beautiful lady in her world. Like she’s the hottest person ever lived to satisfy and make her man happy. That’s what she really felt when she’s in love with someone.

Though sometimes, she could feels like she’s the ugliest, unattractive, dumb, smothering person ever lived in this world. Like she doesn’t deserve him. Like there are way much better, beautiful girls out there. Like she’s being cheated by him. Like she does never deserve anyone in her life. That is the down moment that she’s having whenever the situations between them are awkward and full of misunderstood.

The love, passion mostly, that encountered her had made her more and more seductive and sexy just to show her man that she’s fucking into him. That she desires him to always be next to her, to lie in his arms, to let her hair being stroked by him, to let her lips being kissed, the soft one by her man, to let her being pampered by him in any possible way. And for her, she would do anything that would please her man, in both sexual and supportive way. Ahh, she could never resist the urge to always think about it, about how they can be together, about how will it feel, about how what they’re going to do, about mostly everything.

That is just how she feels.

WHINY MOMENT

I hate to admit the fact that sometimes I do lose my focus towards the things that I have to achieve now. I often think a lot about things that I wanted to do next, where they are not even confirmed to be done yet. It’s good to think about the future, but first, you have to strive to achieve and to be excellent in your own way, currently. And I know why I always get exhausted in thinking. It is simply because I never stop thinking about how to excel in the future, but not now. That’s what I’ve been whining about all these days, all these months, and all these years. Nigel in The Devil Wears Prada had knocked me out by saying, you’re not trying, you are whining. Damn, it’s true. We are all whining, despite doing our jobs correctly. Gosh I never get tired watching that movie. I never stop on thinking, never once unless I’m sleeping.

We are all whiners. We whine every single day. I whined a lot too. A lot, I tell ya.

Okay off topic. Can I possibly get somebody who can actually speak in an English slang? Owh, that turns me on. Plus, with a deep, sexy voice when he’s a having a private and intimate conversation with me. Aww that is deeply attractive.

Off topic again. I just watched another Meryl Steep’s movie. And this time, she was collaborating with Nicole Kidman and Juliette Moore. And I shall say that the movie was extremely genius. One of the genius movie that I have ever watched in my entire life. Or maybe I’m the one who’s not been watching lots of goods movies. The one that is never been broadcasted in Malaysia. I wonder why they never broadcast these genius movies. They always show the common storyline-which-can-be-easily-predicted-about-all-of-what’s-happen-next-movies. I can easily object on what they were doing, and what they should have done. O I forgot to mention the movie’s title. It is The Hours. If you have some time, go search for it and make your time watching it. Don’t watch in a rush, you’ll never get the feeling. Watch only when you feel like watching it. That way, you’ll understand the story. Superb genius I tell ya. 

AS WE GROW

As we grow, we tend to have our very own perspective driven by our interests. People are different because of their traits, looks and personalities.  We also have reasons why we’re doing something. Either it is defined or undefined. My perspective had varied so much throughout the 19years I’ve lived. Along with the changes of perspective, my attitude also changed bit by bit. I know people will eventually say that I changed for bad, mostly but truthfully, I never felt that way. Of course I don’t feel that I’m changing for any good. It’s just that, I’m changing to suit the inner me more.  There’s nothing good or bad about it. I felt much better, although some might hurt because of the changes. O well, we hurt people’s feeling every time. And they hurt ours as well. So, that is a win-win situation for me. Accept the truth.

I never call myself as a saint just because I wrote things the way I look at it. But really, people will eventually make you win the situation because they read yours. They didn’t read on the other side. And I am no wanting people to make me look like I’m winning the situation just because you read mine. And I shan’t ask you to read the other side’s thought. Well, practically because they didn’t have any open sites telling about them. LOL. Just only laugh if you got that. Okay no, just giggle. You sounded scary when you laugh.

For me, growth will only make you better, only if you feel better about it. Don’t mind what others say about you. They don’t practically feel what you feel. They only wanted to make you follow the system that says you should do only this to become better, where we as a human have a very different ways on nurturing it.

Then again, how can I actually implement these thoughts on my children? Because I really don’t want them to feel miserable and tersepit like I was having now. They shall be free on expressing themselves, with a little guide from me from the early years. I believe that everyone will know how to behave, how to control themselves, when the time comes. We’ll just have to wait. Not everyone can make it fast. There are yin and yang, there are good and bad, and there must be fast and slow. The point is, try accepting the person the way it was. Whether they changed or not, that is up to them. It is their body, it is their mind, it is their thought, it is their perspectives. No one else have any rights on it, except Allah SWT and the person himself. I won’t use the phrase  ‘Let them be them’ . Too lame for me. 

ANOTHER

Another frustration. Another hope been denied. Another angst inside of me. Another vow made by me not to continue living by depending on parents. Another sad little heart when I can’t fight him back. Another let down that I have to bear. Another thought on how to gain your own money. Another thought on scoring high grades in examinations. Another slap in my face, not literally happen. Just saying. Another bad, negative thoughts running through my mind. Another revenge will be done. Another blame to be put. Another post written by me about how misery I am. 

well this was supposed to be posted long ago, but only now I feel like posting it. and the current mood that I'm feeling is 360degree from what I'm feeling in this post.